sandwiched

Edited*

2 good friends of mine had gone on an exchange to Norway. During that time, they went on al short tour with a few other friends. Prior to this, friend A was already quite displeased over how disorganized and unprepared the other friends were. For friend A is someone who is a very target-focused person who has to draw up clear plans.

However, things only went really wrong during the trip itself. There was pretty much of a conflict in interests as to where to go and what to visit. Friend A complained on this particular day where they spent the whole day shopping. On this, Friend A was really annoyed and frustrated at how her friends totally lost control of themselves upon seeing all the retail shops and just continued to shop to the extent that she was told to look after their bags when she was taking a rest. Friend A displayed animosity after that.

Friend B, on the other hand, perhaps with a more amiable disposition, though was also not agreeable on what happened did not express any annoyance. From her perspective, she felt that it tolerance would have saved awkward outcomes.
Friend A felt that this whole experience together with them was atrocious so after this trip, Friend A distanced herself from the others and because Friend B remained with the others, this indirectly distanced Friend A and B.

Somewhere along the way, there was obviously a breakdown in communication which led to the outcome today. I found out that the other friends have no idea what Friend A was feeling so upset over. To them, she seemed to be just throwing tantrums. Regarding this, I felt that Friend A could have spoken to them to clear things in the open because her non-verbal expressions were not actually decoded and understood by them and this contributed to the sour relationship.
If Friend A was able to communicate what she was feeling in a better way, a compromise could be reached and things could have been salvaged.

So what could be a solution to this problem?



2 good friends of mine had gone on an exchange to Norway. During that time, they took the opportunity to travel to Germany for a short tour with a few other friends. Prior to this, friend A was already quite displeased over how disorganized and unprepared the other friends were. For friend A is someone who is a very target-focused person who has to draw up clear plans so she felt that it was just all talk and no action by the others as no concrete plans were being drawn up.

However, things only went really wrong during the trip itself. There was pretty much of a conflict in interests as to where to go and what to visit. Friend A complained on this particular day where they spent the whole day shopping, to the extent that the first meal they had was dinner. On this, Friend A was really annoyed and frustrated at how her friends totally lost control of themselves upon seeing all the retail shops and just continued to shop. In the afternoon, Friend A was already feeling tired so she stepped out of the shops to take a rest at a central area. Friend B soon joined her. Time passed and the others just continued to shop. They went out to check on them, only to leave all the shopping bags with them and asking them to take care of the bags while they continued on their spree. Without much of a choice, they sat there waiting. A few hours later, Friend A finally could not tolerate further, she went into the shops and told one of them that she was not going to wait further and that she wants to go and eat already. By then, her expressions were almost irritable and annoyed, and that finally struck her friends to stop shopping and have their meals.

Friend B, on the other hand, perhaps with a more amiable disposition, though was also really tired did not express any annoyance. From her perspective, she felt that it was not much of a big deal and that by not displaying animosity would save any awkward situations from arising.
Friend A felt that this whole experience together with them was atrocious so after this trip, Friend A distanced herself from the others and joined other groups for activities. The relationship between them turned awkward where even exchange of greetings were minimal. What was rather saddening that Friend A and B, once good friends, soon drifted apart partly because of this and Friend B remained with the earlier group of friends.

When they returned and we gathered, I noticed some awkwardness between them and had approached Friend B alone one day, wanting to hear her side of the story as well. Friend B soon broke down into tears and got really emotional on how things turned out this way as well. At that moment, I was shocked and kind of at a loss of what to do because Friend B all the long appeared to be a strong and happy-go-lucky person. We had never seen her cry (except when in secondary school when we poured mango juice which she really hated on her) so when she did, I was really overwhelmed by the rush of emotions (hurt, sadness and helplessness) running through her but all I could do was to give her a pat and continue listening to her.

Somewhere along the way, there was obviously a breakdown in communication which led to the outcome today. Friend B had tried to be a go-between between Friend A and the others but Friend A was not very cooperative on that because Friend A is a very opinionated person, sometimes to an extreme, who feels that there is no point in working on something she firmly believes would not work out, simply because they will not click. I also found out that the friends have no idea what Friend A was feeling so upset over. To them, she seemed to be just throwing tantrums. Regarding this, I felt that Friend A could have spoken to them to clear things in the open because her non-verbal expressions were not actually decoded and understood by them and this contributed to the sour relationship.

I think that if the other friends had displayed more sensitivity when shopping and exercising better social awareness of people around and also if Friend A was able to communicate what she was feeling in a better way, a compromise could be reached and things could have been salvaged. And so could I say that all these could be attributed to a problem of an inadequacy of EQ.

So, what can I do now? Just who is right or wrong? Can I even comment on that? What can I do to try mediate between Friend A and Friend B and clear any misunderstandings between them. It seems to now have a gathering with A and B would be nearly impossible without any awkward feelings? Will time heal things? If it’s a personality and EQ problem, is it even possible for me to change anything?

Why effective communication skills are important to me.

Communication is an essential skill for successful workplace and personal relationships. Communication inevitably has the power to build or destroy relationships. By this, it is really important to learn and practice the art of communication.

As an undergraduate who applies for jobs, I will need good communication skills to make sure my application letter stands out and is acted upon. Also, during interviews I would be able to communicate well so as to market myself and secure the job. As a greenhorn in any workplace, I want to keep in check with myself that I would not be stepping on any others’ toes because of poor communication skills that could lead to misunderstandings. Also being able to interact well and build a rapport with colleagues, expressing ideas and suggestions clearly would aid in performing at my job.

In terms of personal relationships, being tactless or clueless about communicating could scar or even break relationships and on this point, I think that by first practicing active listening is a key point in forming a connection with that person and only by fully understanding the subject and feelings of the person can one continue the communication process perhaps by reflecting on personal experiences and then providing appropriate feedback. In saying so, communication actually occurs simultaneously between the listener and the speaker.
By learning the skills needed to communicate effectively, it can be used to positively influence all sorts of interactions. As a starter, I think that we first have to realize that we are all different in the way we perceive things, that is, we all have our own internal belief systems and this is a crucial point in communication with others.